How Confident Are You About Your Confidence?

(man embodies confidence, leaps large gap)

We came rip-roaring into the 21st century. Our computers fast; our muscles toned; our wit sharp; our clothes . . . shredded?

Here we come, world. Here we come. Watch out. Here we . . .

But the world that awaited was something nobody expected. We can't navigate it with our charm, looks, vocabulary or "Good Heart". Success no longer awaits at the end of the marathon, rather, it hides behind every corner, within every opportunity. But who gets the success?

It's The Confident People. They run the world now, those damn Confident People. In a time when anxiety is the most common ailment among Americans (could somebody check that fact, please), confidence is the only quality that prevails over the unfabulous, anxious tedium that surrounds life in the 21st century. With Facebook a-bustle with pokes, your email a-flurry with letters and your living room a-filled with friends and family, how can one survive with their sanity? Speed doesn't cut it anymore. The world has a way of always getting a leg up on you, no matter how fast you run. Somebody will always be disappointed. Some party will always go unattended. Some opportunity will always slip between the cracks and some phone call will always go unreturned. Basically, you're going to F*** up one way or another.

But the confident people march forth, bravely. They continue to navigate their way through this world, creating new things and truly enjoying themselves wherever they may be--you know the ones. They seem to have their finger on the pulse of life. They're not burdened. They're not afraid to move forward with their lives and they awake excited (relatively) for the new day.

It's like they know how to deal with life better than the rest of us, right? They thrive in work and in play. They foster strong relationships. They beat you at ping-pong. They're basically assholes.

But each of us--each flimsy, spineless one of us--has the potential to become confident. I mean REALLY confident (you imagine yourself strolling into a party: tan, trim, and cracking a really funny joke). Not that kind of confidence, though. I'm talking about Real Confidence. The type that allows you to speak your mind when the time is right. The type that allows you to be yourself in any situation. The type of commendable confidence that your hero embodies. You know the type?

If you're reading this, thinking that I'm about to break into some pan-fried 6-step self-help nonsense, you're right! All you need to be confident is to buy my 6-cd box set titled, "Hypnotize Yourself Confident!"

(6-cd box-set for $55.99 plus tax)

No, I'm teasing. I haven't recorded it onto a cd yet. It's a podcast!


No, I'm teasing. Really this time. I don't have any self-help advice for you, but I can tell you about confidence and where it comes from, how to get it and the benefits of being confident in your life.

Hint: It doesn't come from you, it comes from other people. That's why the advice isn't self-help, it's Other-People-Help (we're looking for a more creative way to say that). Your confidence is locked within the fabric of each relationship that you've had throughout your life. From your current boyfriend/girlfriend, all the way back to the Jimmy Sanzonis of the world, who picked your nose for you while you played with Legos. Each relationship holds a key to your confidence and there are specific, (slightly) scientific ways to tap into that confidence.

And then you may be asking: Who is this guy? Who he to tell me about confidence?

The answer is: He's nobody. But, many years ago, he happened to encounter a Puerto Rican Sage who unlocked the secrets of modern confidence while boiling white rice in a standard kitchen saucepan. And now, in this seemingly underdeveloped, poorly decorated blog, he will share the new Ancient Puerto Rican Wisdom with the general public while promoting himself (or herself?) over Facebook . . .

Welcome to The Palace Flophouse! Blog updates will follow until the entire concept is flushed out, at which point you'll be more comfortable, charming and lovable than all of your friends and your life will exit the nethers of the dark, enclosed, box of False Confidence and gracefully enter the bountiful fields of opportunity offered by Real Confidence.

Yours,
The Messenger's Messenger